Networking expert and author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, Debra Fine, says small talk is more than just opening with “how are you?” Whether you’re sitting by a stranger at a dinner party, or in line for coffee with a coworker, you’ll need something better to trigger a conversation. Here are her three go-to phrases that ensure better banter:
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1. If you’ve never met: “What keeps you busy?”
Asking a guy what he does for a living can be a loaded question, says Fine. Perhaps he’s between jobs or recently got laid off. Or maybe he doesn’t want to spend his downtime thinking about the pile of papers waiting for him on his desk.
Pose an open-ended question to give him the opportunity to spin the chat in whatever direction he wants, says Fine. If he brings up work, great—ask him how he got started in his field. But if he launches into a story about his fantasy football draft? Even better.
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2. If you already know each other: “Catch me up.”
Go beyond “how have you been?” and show her you’re interested in hearing what’s really been going on in her life since you last talked.
New job? Ask her to name her personal first-month highlights. If she’s training for a half marathon, inquire about her favorite off-the-radar running spots.
“People love to talk about themselves, but the key to a good conversation is to get it launched,” says Fine.
3. If the conversation is one-sided: “Yes, and…”
To keep your conversation alive, follow the golden rule in improvisational comedy: Affirm whatever the other person says, and then add something to it.
If someone says, “Yesterday was a beautiful day,” you might simply reply, “Yeah, it was!” But improv comedians refer to this as “blocking”— it sets you up to hit a dead end.
So try something like, “I know, I was so glad I finally got to go on a hike” instead.
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Curated Article and Photo Credit from Men’s Health
